Thoughts On Commitment

Creating a healthy committed relationship with our bodies is a lot like creating a healthy committed relationship with another person. You know, the whole loving, honoring and obeying thing.  While I’ve never been big on “obeying” anyone, I do believe wholeheartedly in loving and honoring those we are close to.  And who are we closer to than our own bodies?

My body and I are in this together.  We’re in it for the long haul.  She has been here for me throughout my life, and the more committed I am to her, the more I discover that she will reward my loyalty and my commitment and attention by absolutely meeting whatever expectation I have of her.  She always rises to the occasion.

My body wants to know that she can depend on me.  She wants to know that I will take care of her when she needs care and listen to her when she needs to be heard and adore her when she wants adoration and move her when she wants to move and let her to rest when she wants to rest.  

My body wants me to trust her.  She doesn’t like my denying, ignoring, or repressing the messages she gives me.  She wants me to listen closely to what she is saying to me.    Sometimes she whispers, sometimes she nudges, and sometimes she yells.  But she always wants me to listen to her.

My body wants me to appreciate her.  She waited patiently for 45 years for me to figure this one out.  But the more I appreciate every magnificent thing she does for me, the more she rewards me by doing magnificent things.  

My body wants me to be committed to her.  She is committed to me.  She does her best to serve me, and she is happiest when I do my best in return.  The more committed I am to loving my body, the happier she is--and the happier I am.

Maybe loving our bodies is the key to happiness!

Up Next:  The Power of Desire

And check out my FREE stuff at my website: http://www.fallinlovewithyourbody.com

Emergency Interventions, or What to Do When You Feel Fat

A little over a year ago, I wanted to get in the best shape of my life. And so I did. The culmination of this desire was my participating in, and completing, my first race ever. I loved the experience of the half marathon: the joy of the crowd, the thrill of the race itself, and the exhilaration of finishing.

In a cruel twist of irony, a few days after the race, I saw myself in a few photographs. Were my first thoughts “Kristin! Look at you! You ran a half marathon!” or “Good for you, girl!” or “You met your goal! Way to go!” Unfortunately, no. When I saw myself in those photos, all I could think about was how fat my behind was. Here I was, in the best shape of my adult life, having just run 13.1 miles, and I was still “feeling fat.”

I knew that my “feeling fat” was a demand for emergency intervention, and here are some that interventions that have worked for me:

1.Ramp up your self-care. Know that “feeling fat” is, in reality, a call for compassion, gentleness, self-care, and self-love. Indulge yourself in things that bring you pleasure, in things that make feel good. What makes you happy? Is it long, luscious bubble baths? Is it delicious, nutritious food? Is it filling your mind with positive, uplifting ideas, messages, and thoughts? Consider what makes you happy, and then do it!

2. Call a friend. Indulge yourself in the sympathetic, empathetic support of people who love you and care about you and who understand. Having supportive people in your corner makes all the difference. People love to be needed and to be helpful, so don’t hesitate to ask for what you want from your friends the next time you’re “feeling fat.”

3. Pay attention to reality rather than fiction. Know that little voice inside your head is lying to you. It’s not telling you the truth. Contemplate, affirm aloud, and write down what you know, in your heart, to be true.

4. “Feeling fat” is temporary. Like all feelings, it will soon pass.

And remember that “feeling fat” is simply a fantastic opportunity for you to learn more about how to love and accept yourself in a deep and profound way.


Up Next: Thoughts On Commitment

Changing Your Thinking

If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard these encouraging words, “Don’t diet. Change your lifestyle instead,” I’d be rich. In fact, wasn’t my blog from yesterday called Change Your Lifestyle? I know, in my heart, that small, subtle changes in lifestyle can lead to profound changes in our bodies.

But before we can ever change our lifestyle, we must change our thinking.

Before we can ever change our behavior, we must change what we think about our selves and say to ourselves.

Before we can ever change our bodies, we must change what goes on in our heads!

Diets fail us because they fail to address the root cause of the problem. They address food and exercise, but many diets do not address the emotional component of our relationship to food. Most diets don’t ask us to examine how we think about ourselves and our bodies, and so consequently, because we haven’t made profound internal changes, the external changes are, in many cases, short-lived. Diets fail us because they lead us into a cycle of deprivation and bingeing but they do not teach us how to change our view of our bodies.

And when we change how we view our bodies, then everything changes. Our food choices change. Our activity level changes. But first, we need to change our thinking.

Up Next: Emergency Interventions, or What to Do When You Feel Fat

Changing Your Lifestyle

As I was sorting through some papers the other night, I came across this. Haven’t we all been there?

Portia Nelson’s Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

i
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost--I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

ii
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

iii
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. . . . It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.


iv
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.


v
I walk down another street.





Up Next: Changing Your Thinking

When the Going Gets Tough. . .

Ten tips for when the going gets tough:

1. Have a list. I was 26 . My father had died unexpectedly. I entered therapy. And my therapist said, “Make a list of things that make you happy.” That was one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received.

2. Have a pleasure plan for bad days. I have yet to meet a person who is free from suffering. I have yet to meet a person who has never had a bad day. I have yet to meet someone who leads an idyllic life. We all have days when the unexpected happens. We all have days when challenges arise. Expect challenges, and have a strategy (or pleasure plan) for dealing with them.

3. Treat yourself gently. Sometimes I think that we’re harder on ourselves than anyone else is.
Sometimes the most ruthless voice we hear is the one inside our own heads. When your inner critic voices her opinion, silence her with gentleness--and a bubble bath. Treat yourself kindly. Treat yourself compassionately. Treat yourself with respect.

4. Look at how far you’ve come. Consider everything you’ve achieved in your life. Think about what it took to make those things happen. Acknowledge the skills and tools and talents it took to accomplish what you’ve accomplished. Be proud of what you’ve done!

5. Enjoy food. This does not mean to eat mindlessly. This means to eat what will bring you the most pleasure in a way that will bring you the most pleasure.

6. Touch something soft. This could be a feather, or the fur of your pet, or a piece of velvet. Enjoy the pleasure that your sense of touch can give you.

7. Listen to something beautiful. Never underestimate the power of sound to transform your mood and shift your perspective, whether it’s birds, Bowie, Britney, or Bach.

8. Sniff your favorite scent. And this doesn’t necessarily have to come from a perfume bottle. Maybe it comes from lilac bushes, or a scented candle, or onions and garlic, or. . .

9. Observe the beauty that is around you. It is always there. Sometimes we just have to look for it.

10. Be grateful. I remember Oprah Winfrey, years ago, speaking of her gratitude journals. I thought at the time, “Sounds good, but I’ve gotta finish my dissertation and empty the cat boxes. I’ll get around to gratitude later.” Then a decade or so later, I got around to gratitude. What I learned? Contemplating--and being grateful for--the good in my life is one of the most effective ways to handle a so-called bad day.

When the going gets tough, get grateful.


Up Next: Changing Your Lifestyle

The Key to Weight Maintenance?

The key to maintaining your weight? Keep doing everything you did while you were releasing weight.

We get there and then we let down. We become less vigilant in our choices. We become more casual in our efforts. We go a little soft on our desires. And we become less committed and less focussed on our goals because we’ve hit that magic number. Then the weight starts to creep back on, and the number on the scale starts to edge up. Why? Because we revert back to our old ways of doing things, and more profoundly, we revert back to our old ways of thinking. We look at “losing” weight as something that we’ll do for a while, until we get what we want, and then we’ll be through with the struggle once and for all. And when we get to where we think we want to be, we may forget that it’s a continuing journey, a journey with no destination. . .

In my opinion, the crux of pleasurable weight release and pleasurable weight maintenance is being highly aware of what you think, being very sensitive to how you talk to yourself, and being hyper-vigilant about what you say to yourself when you look in the mirror.

What is important is what you tell yourself about your worthiness and your deservingness. And then be committed to that outcome every single day. Renew that commitment every morning as you get out of bed, make coffee, brush your teeth, and progress through your day.

Please note that I’m not using the words “will power.” Pleasurable weight release has nothing to do with will power! Pleasurable weight release is not about forcing and mandating and disciplining and punishing yourself when you fall off the wagon. Pleasurable weight release is about committing yourself, each day, to answering this question: “What will bring me the most pleasure?”

When we consider what will bring us pleasure, then we start to move in the direction of pleasure. And moving toward something fun (releasing and maintaining a healthful weight) is a lot more satisfying than moving away from something that’s painful (misery and self-loathing).

The key to maintaining a healthful weight? Keep infusing your thinking and behavior with pleasure and love! And keep asking and answering the question, “What will bring me the most pleasure?”




Up Next: When the Going Gets Tough

Madonna Sweats

I admit it. My tastes run more in the realm of Mozart than Madonna. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no pop culture expert.

However, I found myself with some time on my hands a few nights ago, and I stumbled upon Madonna’s 2005 documentary, “I’m Going to Tell You A Secret,” on YouTube. And I watched a good deal of it. And made a profound discovery.

Madonna sweats.

Included in this documentary is a scene where she complains to one of her assistants about her stinky costume.

And this got me to thinking.

Now, normally, I don’t give a lot of thought to celebrities and the hygienic state of their costumes. But I was thinking that it was cool that Madonna sweats. Sweating is good. Sweating means that you’re working. Hard.

Sometimes we think that life should be “easy,” and if we are considering releasing weight through pleasure, we want that to be “easy,” as well. Sometimes we resist working. Sometimes we resist putting out the effort and energy to get the results we want. Sometimes we think that those results should just happen magically, effortlessly, and “easily.”

In creating show after show after show on her tour, Madonna exerted so much physical energy that she stunk up one of her costumes. However, the joy and satisfaction that she derives from her work I’m sure makes the exhaustion and sweat worth it. Likewise, the creation of what we want in our lives requires exertion, effort, and commitment. However, the joy and satisfaction that we derive from loving our bodies definitely makes the physical exhaustion and sweat worth it, too.

If Madonna can sweat and produce amazing results, so can you!



Up Next: The Key to Weight Maintenance