When the Going Gets Tough. . .

Ten tips for when the going gets tough:

1. Have a list. I was 26 . My father had died unexpectedly. I entered therapy. And my therapist said, “Make a list of things that make you happy.” That was one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received.

2. Have a pleasure plan for bad days. I have yet to meet a person who is free from suffering. I have yet to meet a person who has never had a bad day. I have yet to meet someone who leads an idyllic life. We all have days when the unexpected happens. We all have days when challenges arise. Expect challenges, and have a strategy (or pleasure plan) for dealing with them.

3. Treat yourself gently. Sometimes I think that we’re harder on ourselves than anyone else is.
Sometimes the most ruthless voice we hear is the one inside our own heads. When your inner critic voices her opinion, silence her with gentleness--and a bubble bath. Treat yourself kindly. Treat yourself compassionately. Treat yourself with respect.

4. Look at how far you’ve come. Consider everything you’ve achieved in your life. Think about what it took to make those things happen. Acknowledge the skills and tools and talents it took to accomplish what you’ve accomplished. Be proud of what you’ve done!

5. Enjoy food. This does not mean to eat mindlessly. This means to eat what will bring you the most pleasure in a way that will bring you the most pleasure.

6. Touch something soft. This could be a feather, or the fur of your pet, or a piece of velvet. Enjoy the pleasure that your sense of touch can give you.

7. Listen to something beautiful. Never underestimate the power of sound to transform your mood and shift your perspective, whether it’s birds, Bowie, Britney, or Bach.

8. Sniff your favorite scent. And this doesn’t necessarily have to come from a perfume bottle. Maybe it comes from lilac bushes, or a scented candle, or onions and garlic, or. . .

9. Observe the beauty that is around you. It is always there. Sometimes we just have to look for it.

10. Be grateful. I remember Oprah Winfrey, years ago, speaking of her gratitude journals. I thought at the time, “Sounds good, but I’ve gotta finish my dissertation and empty the cat boxes. I’ll get around to gratitude later.” Then a decade or so later, I got around to gratitude. What I learned? Contemplating--and being grateful for--the good in my life is one of the most effective ways to handle a so-called bad day.

When the going gets tough, get grateful.


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