There’s something to be said for the skill of receiving complements.
Complement: “That’s a great dress!”
Response: “Oh, this old thing? It’s a million years old. I really need to go shopping.”
Or
Complement: “I love your haircut!”
Response: “Really? Can’t y0u tell the bangs are uneven?”
Or
Complement: “You have such amazing children.”
Response: “Yeah, but they’re driving me crazy!”
Why do we, on so many occasions, diminish the complements we’re given? Is it that we don’t want to appear arrogant, conceited, or narcissistic? Is it because we think, by responding with a self-deprecating remark, we’re being humble? Is it because we’ve been told not to think too highly of ourselves? Is it because we, as women, spend so much time acknowledging, praising, nurturing, and caring for others that it is hard for us to allow ourselves to be cared for with kind expressions of appreciation?
This is a phenomenon I’ve noticed a lot recently, and it seems that many of us find it difficult to receive a complement. So often, throughout the course of my life, I’ve been given a complement and felt compelled to argue with it, deny it, or reject it in some way. And what I’m discovering is that when we diminish a complement with our words, it’s as if we have taken a beautiful gift and tossed it in the trash. Someone has taken the time and the effort to praise us in some way, and when we demean the complement in a misguided effort to be humble, we put up blocks and barriers to receiving more goodness (and more complements) in our lives.
In a way, I think this is related to our inability to complement ourselves. I think it’s related to our inability to recognize the fantastic magnificence of our lives. I think it’s related to our view of ourselves and our lives and our worthiness and sense of deservingness. I think it’s related our being more comfortable in the realm of self-deprecation than in the realm of self-appreciation.
I have a friend who is beginning to focus on what is right in her life. The more she focusses on celebrating her life, the more she has to celebrate. As she’s learning to view her life as amazing, wonderful, and worthy of praise, she’s becoming skilled in the art of accepting a complement. Over the past few years, I’ve seen her move from the “This old thing?” mentality to the simple “Thank you so much! I like it, too!” point of view.
The next time you someone complements you, consider paying close attention to your response.
Do you instantly denying the complement in some way? Do you find yourself wanting to argue with the person who complemented you? Do you find the complement difficult to hear?
Or do you find yourself simply saying, “Thank you”?
Up Next: How to Get What You Want
