Emotional Eating

A little child is riding her bike.

She falls off.

She skins her knee.

She comes running in the house, crying for her mother.

“Mommy!  Mommy!  I hurt my knee!”

“Oh, honey,” her mother replies.  “I’m sorry.  Here, darling.  Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Her mother washes off her knee and puts a Mickey Mouse bandage on it.  

The tears stop.

“Here we are, sweetie.”  She gives her daughter a hug.  “Have a cookie.  It’ll make you feel better.”

We learn, very early on, to connect food with feeling.  We believe, from a very early age, that food can assuage pain.  We learn that food can comfort us when we’re scared, soothe us when we’re anxious, cheer us up when we’re blue, and make us happy when we’re sad.  But can it, really?

Is it really the cookie that makes a little girl stop crying, or is it the love of her mother? 

Is it really food that gives us comfort, or is it the sympathetic ear of a friend?

Is it really food that soothes us, or is it a gentle hug from a spouse?

Is it really food that cheers us up when we’re blue, or is it a matter of changing our perspective?

Is it really food that makes us happy, or is it simply being heard and understood by someone who cares?

So many times, throughout my life, I looked to food for emotional satisfaction.  I looked to food for happiness, comfort, joy, celebration, stress-relief, etc.   Every emotion I had, good or bad, positive or negative, high or low, I used food to manage through it.  

Then I heard someone talk about going to the hardware store for milk, which is what I had been doing most of my adult life.  I had been looking at food for something it couldn’t ever give me.  I had been going to the hardware store for milk.

Today, I continually ask myself, “Am physically hungry or emotionally hungry?”   If I’m physically hungry, I eat.  And I pay close attention to my feelings of fullness and satisfaction.  And most of the time, I stop when I’m full.   However, if I’m emotionally hungry, I know that no amount of food on the planet will ever, ever be enough.

Up Next:  The Power of Curiosity

 

Why I Love to Run

When I started running, at age 47, a little over 14 months ago, I had no idea the journey it would start me on.

At that point, I had already released about 20 pounds and I really wanted to get in the best shape of my life.

I didn’t know that running was going to be an integral part of that, but I did know that if this was going to become a reality, I’d have to move my butt.

And so move my butt I did. Little by little.

I remember joining the “Very Beginning Two Milers” group in my beginning running class. I was a rookie, novice, rank beginner--and I freely admit my ignorance related to anything athletic. On that first night, we ran for 30 seconds, walked for 30 seconds, and did that for 20 minutes. And at the end of those 20 minutes, I thought, “I can do this!”

And today, every time I head out the door for a run, I think, “I can do this!”

I love to run because running is very simple. I am by nature a non-athlete. I freely admit I have little natural physical coordination. But running requires little physical coordination other than putting one foot in front of the other. And to me, it feels natural.

I love to run because it makes me happy.

I love to run because it’s a great stress-reliever.

I love to run because running gives me time to think, problem-solve, strategize, and work things out in my head.

I love to run because of the feeling of pride, satisfaction, and accomplishment I have when I get back.

I love to run because I know my body thanks me every time I successfully reach the top of a hill.

I love to run because I’ve met some awesome people through though this sport.

I love to run because I’ve gotten some cool free running shirts from various running groups I’ve been in. I love free stuff!

I love to run because I’ve learned a lot about my muscles, bones, tennis balls (great for hamstring massage), rest, hydration, rolling pins, ligaments, Body Glide, rest, tendons, food, wicking fabrics, rest, protein, massage, ice, sports bras, cold soaks, carbohydrates, rest. . .

I love to run because I have learned a great deal about the power of my mind and the power of visualizing what I want. A running friend said a couple of weeks ago, “Running is 99 percent mental.”

I love to run because I occasionally get a runner’s high, and those endorphins bring me a lot of pleasure!

I love to run because running teaches me patience.

I love to run because running teaches me pacing.

I love to run because running is metaphor for life.

I love to run because it’s fun!

What do you do because it’s fun?

Up Next: Emotional Eating

When Your Body Doesn't Feel Lovable

It’s hard.

Sometimes we think our bodies have betrayed us, and that we’re at their mercy.  Sometimes we see nothing good, valuable, worthy, or beautiful when we look in the mirror.  Sometimes all we see is fat, wrinkles, gray hair, pores, cellulite, love handles, saggy this, flabby that.  

Sometimes we simply just don’t approve of our bodies.  And if we take that idea one step further, I believe that in not approving of our bodies, we are also not approving of ourselves at the deepest level.  

And here’s the rub.

We’re not taught how to approve of ourselves or our bodies.  There aren’t a lot of role models today that show us how to adore our physical selves.  There’s no course in school or specialized training we can take that will teach us how to value our bodies.  Instead, we become proficient at demeaning, criticizing, and complaining about our bodies.  And what is disturbing about this trend is that we pass on these ideas to our daughters.  In a conversation with a friend the other day, she described her niece, age nine, who is beginning to look in the mirror and talk about how fat she is and how she should go on a diet.  Unless we, as adults, consciously and intentionally shift our view of our bodies--today--right now--in this moment, this trend of self loathing will impact future generations.

But here’s the good news.

It is possible to shift your view of your body from one of self-loathing to one of self-love.  It is possible to transform your critical thoughts into thoughts that support you.  It is possible to love what you see in the mirror, no matter what you weigh, how many gray hairs you may have, or how out of shape you may feel.  It is possible to approve of everything about your physical self, from cellulite to love handles to thighs. 

It begins with a willingness to change what you say to yourself.  It begins with a willingness to choose approval over disapproval.  It beings with a willingness to see yourself as a beautiful creature worthy of adoration. 

Marianne Williamson wrote a letter to Oprah Winfrey 17 years ago about this very idea, “In order to lose weight on a permanent basis, you want a shift in the belief about who and what you are.”

Are you willing to shift your belief about who and what you are?

Up Next:  Why I Love to Run

How to Be Kind to Your Inner Fat Girl

I think many women have an Inner Fat Girl.  

I know I do.

She shows up when I feel stressed.  She shows up when I feel frustrated.  She shows up when I feel tired.  She shows up when I feel scattered.  Basically, she makes her presence known when I feel any kind of negative feeling.  And she likes to eat.  A lot.  In fact, I might call her a binge eater.  

But as I have discovered over the years, what my Inner Fat Girl really wants has nothing to do with food.  What my Inner Fat Girl wants is attention, love, comfort, understanding, patience, and compassion.  And she mistakenly thinks that by eating, she will gain those things.  However, those are desires that cannot be met by any kind or any amount of food.  

And so, when my Inner Fat Girl shows up, I immediately take that as a sign that I need to be kinder to myself.  When my Inner Fat Girl starts screaming for New York Super Fudge Chunk Sundae ice cream, I know that there’s something else going on besides physical hunger.  My Inner Fat Girl clearly and distinctly points me in the direction of emotional hunger.  And food can never satisfy emotional hunger.  

So, if your Inner Fat Girl is emotionally hungry, what are some things that you can do that can satisfy her? 

First, acknowledge that food isn’t what she really wants.  She may think she wants it, but a binge really won’t help her feel better in the long run.  She’ll still feel all the negative feelings she had before the binge--and she’ll be dealing with the added guilt and frustration of having just binged!

Second, ask her what will bring her the most pleasure.  Perhaps she just needs to take a couple of deep, full, slow belly breaths.  Or maybe she needs to blow off some steam by going for a vigorous walk.  May she needs a candle lit bubble bath.  Maybe she needs to call a friend, or write in a journal, or do something with her hands.  

Third, love her.  Because that’s what she really wants.

Up Next:  How to Love Your Body When It Doesn’t Feel Very Lovable 

Reinvent Yourself For Fall

Even though it’s the middle of August, I can feel the season changing.  The number if daylight hours is diminishing, and I’m noticing that a few trees have begun to shed their leaves.

For those of us who, like the trees, might like to shed a few pounds between now and the holidays, here are a few tips.

1. 1. Eat only foods you love.  The quickest way to gain weight is to go on a diet.  Abandon your belief in the diet myth, and eat foods that bring you pleasure.
   

2. 2.Pay attention to your thoughts.  The quickest way to gain weight is to tell yourself, “I’m so fat,” or “I ate like a pig,” or “I can’t believe my pants are fitting tight again!”   Abandon those negative voices in your head, and instead relish and acknowledge your magnificence.
   

3. 3.Focus on what you want.  The quickest way to gain weight is to focus on how fat you are.  Instead of affirming what you don’t want (see Tip No. 2), affirm what you do want.  
   

4. 4.Celebrate yourself.  The quickest way to gain weight is to feel like depressed about your life.  Look for reasons to applaud your accomplishments, whether it is as simple as choosing to eat an apple, or as significant as spending an hour with a personal trainer.  Everything you do that moves you toward your desired outcome deserves celebration!
   

5. 5.Express gratitude.  The quickest way to gain weight is to ignore your body.  Be grateful for everything about your fine self.  When you were a baby, everything about your body fascinated you.  Rediscover that fascination by taking time to be grateful to your body for everything it has done for you.
   

By following these simple tips, you can go a long way in reinventing  yourself during the upcoming autumn season.  Who knows where you may be by the holidays?

Up Next:  How to Be Kind to Your Inner Fat Girl

The Power of Visualization

Leveraging the power of our minds is one of the most pivotal things we can do as we release weight through pleasure.   While we may be all too familiar with diets, diet pills, diet shakes, cleanses, exercising, low carbs, low fat,  good foods, bad foods, in-between foods, fast food, health food, and even radical surgical procedures, in many cases we are missing one key element.   And that key element is visualization.

In the late 1980s, I gained some weight, didn’t like how my clothes were fitting, and promptly resolved to lose that weight.  And lose weight I did.  Temporarily.  But within three years, I had gained it back--and then some.  A decade later, it happened again.  Only this time the number of pounds I re-gained doubled.  So again, I endeavored to lose weight.  And again, I succeeded, temporarily. 

However, even when I reached my goal weight, I still saw myself as fat.  Even though I was lighter than I had been in many, many years, I still saw myself as obese.  Even though I was wearing clothes in a size I was quite happy with, every time I saw a photo of myself or caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror, I saw myself as heavy.  Even though, to the outside world I was thin, I still perceived myself as fat.  And you have one guess as to what happened.  Within a couple of years, I became fat--again.  I could temporarily change my external behavior by eating less and moving more, but my internal progress was zilch.  In my first two attempts at losing weight, I neglected the most important part of the journey.  I neglected the internal work.  I neglected to transform my view of myself and what I deserved.  

At the end of each issue of O, the Oprah Magazine, Oprah Winfrey writes a column called, “What I Know for Sure.”    Here’s what I know for sure about weight loss: In order to release weight from your body for good, you need to be willing to change your view of yourself and your body.  

You need to be willing to replace negative beliefs about yourself with positive beliefs.  You need to be willing pay close attention to your thoughts about your body.  And you need to be willing visualize yourself in your healthier body before you have released that first ounce of fat.  

“But Kristin, it’s been decades since my body’s weight has been in a healthful range,” you might say.  “I have no clue about ‘visualizing’ myself at my ideal weight, because, in all honesty, I can’t ever remember being at my ideal weight.  How can I visualize something that I’ve never experienced?”

Here are a few tricks that might help you get started down the road to changing your view of yourself and your body.

1. 1. Recognize the truth.  The truth is, no matter what you weigh today, you are beautiful.
   

2. 2.Tell yourself the truth.  Every time you look at yourself in the mirror, find something about your physical body you like, and praise it.  Say it out loud.  Even though you might feel silly doing so, do it!
   

If you can recognize the truth of your beauty and if you can acknowledge it to yourself verbally, you will notice that your relationship with your body will improve, that your body will gradually become more and more beautiful, and your weight will diminish.   Because you see your body as beautiful, you may find yourself eating more fruits and vegetables.  Because you see your body as beautiful, you may find yourself wanting to move it a little bit more.  Nutrition and activity are important.  But the crux of the matter is seeing yourself--visualizing yourself--as beautiful.

Up Next:  Reinvent Yourself for Fall

What Do You Really Want?

 

This is a question that I come back to, time and time and time again.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about ice cream, particularly anything from Dairy Queen with hot fudge on it. 

The last time I remember being at Dairy Queen was about 20 years ago with a couple of friends, when we used DQ as a reward for being successful on our diet.

The menu item of choice for me, 20 years ago, was a Peanut Buster Parfait, and I remember purchasing it, eating it, and really, really enjoying it.

So last week, I asked myself, “What do you really, really want?”  I had been planning on going for a long run in the evening, but the temperature and humidity never dropped enough for me to feel safe (I’m not a big fan of heat stroke), and so instead of my long run, I decided to do some research into Dairy Queen, Peanut Buster Parfaits, chocolate, ice cream, pleasure, and my desires.

At 7 pm in the evening, the time I had originally planned to run 8 miles, I instead headed out the door to my local Dairy Queen.  I walked in, confirmed with young man at the register that DQ does, in fact, still make Peanut Buster Parfaits.  

I ordered one, and began to eat it. 

And as I was eating it, I also analyzed it--and my response to it.  Was it as good as I remembered?  Did I like the chocolate?  Were the peanuts fresh and salty?  Was the ice cream delicious and satisfying?  

And about three bites into it, I made some important discoveries into what brings me pleasure.  First and foremost, I discovered that I like really excellent chocolate.  Dark, musky, deep chocolate.  And lots and lots of it.  While the DQ hot fudge was delicious, it wasn’t quite what I had in mind--nor was there enough of it to suit me.  And while the peanuts added a certain crunchy goodness to the confection, I discovered that I would have preferred saltier, “roastier” (I know it’s not a word!) nuts.  And while contemplating the ice cream, and I realized that, while soft serve certainly does have its fine points, what I really like is hard, cold ice cream with a high fat content!   

My little research trip to Dairy Queen a few days ago taught me a few things about loving myself and my body.  It taught me that my tastes have changed over the decades.  It taught me that I still love ice cream but prefer a different kind.  It taught me that I still adore chocolate but require darker, richer fudge.  It taught me that I like really salty, deeply roasted peanuts.  And it taught me that I like lots and lots of fat in my ice cream.

If you were going to do a little research into what makes you happy, what you really want, and what brings you pleasure, what would you research?  I’d love to hear yourresults!

E-mail me at nannerl123@yahoo.com.

Up Next:  The Power of Visualization